Chat with Ankit.

Well, this time it is not just an article but actually it is a chat with me which I had today in the early morning. As I have told to you all that “my blog would be the best way to meet me”, so I need to follow my words, so I am telling to you all about this chat.

It was 4:30 a.m. in the morning when I opened my eyes. I found myself sitting in the chair with my cell in my hand. I found that whole night I slept at my chair only, waiting for a call of my friend. Actually last night I had a chat (on my cell) with one of my friend. A friend who is not behaving normally now a days, plenty of thoughts are going on in his mind, really disturbed with the circumstances around him and I being too close to him, want to get him out of this situation. Last night I wanted to talk to him but he told me to talk me later, so I waited for his call but I did not get it. He could have been busy or anything else but as I was waiting and I did not get it, Then I felt bad (little bit) but did not get angry.
Now it was 4:45 a.m. I came out of my hostel, just walking on the road. I went 1-2 months back; this was the time when I had plenty of fights with him. In fact first time ever in my life, I had a fight with any of my friend because first time ever, I started expecting anything from anyone. In fact it was quite surprising for me too, in solitude I used to ask myself “Ankit! What happened to you??how could you expect anything from anyone??you don’t have any right for it and you were not like this..” but never got the solution. As you all know that once you start expecting and if it does not gets fulfilled then you get angry and then use to have a fight with that person. Now I thought that if the last night’s incident (although incident is bit hard word for it, but still I am using it) could have happened a couple of months back then surely I would have got angry and it would have led to fight with my friend but for now I was not angry.
Then again I went one year back, when he was a good friend of mine and found that if it would have happened at that time then neither I would have felt bad nor felt angry. In fact it would not have affected me in any sense.
But today I just felt bad. In my last article I discussed about taking step a behind in friendship and I really shiver when I feel that I am moving that single step in my relationship with him. I shiver because I am too attached to him, can do anything for him, anything at all and I don’t want to lose my friendship with him in any case. Here my friend can definitely get angry with me, because may be, I am not understanding his situation as I can also see that he is not fine at all and this is the thing which is really disturbing me too because I am unable to bring a smile on his face. But here in this article I am just telling about my chat.
I saw in many of the cases that when people get so attached to anyone then they usually have plenty of fights between them..then I used to ask to myself that “yar, jab inke beech mai itna pyaar hai to ye itna jhagda kyun karte hain..pata ni kaisa pyaar hai??” but I never got the answer because I had never been so attached to anyone as I am attached to that friend. So first time I had a fight with any of my friend even at that time I did not realize it, but today when I am on this walk then I realize “jhagdaa hona chaiye..kyunki jhagdaa unhi se hota hai, jinse aap bahut jyada attached hote ho…”
There is difference between ‘jhagdaa’ and ‘ladaai’..In fight..there is always a hope for settlement of everything but in ‘ladaai’ nothing remains to be settled.. ‘jhagdaa’ use to have with your well wishers but ‘ ladaai’ use to have with the people who does not mean anything for you. After each ‘fight’, you always wish that things must be all right like it was before, but after ‘ladaai’ you take it as a closed chapter of your life, if things get settled with the people with whom you had ladaai then it is ok for you but if does not then also you would not bother about it.
I am not saying that now I have maintained a formal relationship with my friend, yes , I am trying to cut down on my expectation levels (up to the ground level).. I don’t know whether I am doing right or wrong…but formal relationship?? no, not at all.. he is my closest friend and would always be, because once I give any place to anyone in my heart (after knowing that person) then it does not change in any case, and I know that I know my friend very well… I can do anything for a single smile on his face and it would always remain with me…it will never change in me and I would always pray for his happiness (from the core of my heart). I don’t know about him, he may have many more friends like me or superior than me, but for me, he is the one and will always be the one and will never like to share his position with anyone.
Now it was 6:30 a.m. in the morning so I thought that I should get back to my hostel..when I was returning back then I din’t have the answer to questions regarding relationship with my friend(may be, I would never have) but at least, I have answer of one of my question (after so many days I got answer of any of my questions so had a kind of satisfaction in my mind) and that was “ jhagdaa hona chahiye..it certainly indicates your closeness with the person. You can get upset by work, mischievous of anyone but you would not go for fight until unless you are not too close with you.. (mind it here I am talking about ‘jhagdaa’ not about ‘ladaai’)..these ‘jhagades’ are the another way of expressing your love, care, attachment for that person and yes, there is nothing wrong in expecting something from someone who is too close to you because this expectation is also a part of your closeness that you have with that person.”
PS: After reading this article, one of my friends asked me that “are you writing this article just because your friend could read it and feel it??” I then replied “no dear! I am just following my words “my blog would be the best way to meet me”, that is what I am doing and my friend would certainly understand my intentions if he understands me too ”.