IDENTITY

You found yourself into me
You treated me as u wished to be treated
but was it the correct way to meet me??
things never bothered you when It happened with me
it bothered when you co- related it with your self
but was it the correct way to identify me??
I was happy because you had comfort with me
but was not knowing the fact that
you were just happy with yourself which you found into me..
I never had your shoulder to cry,
you seldom smiled with smile of mine
was it the correct way of being a friend of mine???
today you have moved ahead, i am happy for it
may u achieve all your dreams, would always pray for it
but in all these you have lost friendship of mine..

HAPPY B'DAY ANKIT

Well, at now its 10:00 P.M…just 2 hours to go..when I will be of 22 years..another successful completion of years of my life..yes, I have completed it..but was it successful??this was the  question  which is going on my mind from last 5-6 days..i wanted to judge  this year..but I was unable to judge. When I started the reminiscence of various incidences of this year then I realized..where I was and where I am..a big. drastic change was there.

Now  if I simply look at one face of my life then I feel that this year whatever I wanted, I wished or I prayed for..i could not have it..whether it be related to some of my pals, or my love . In fact in my professional life also, people raised question on me in such a pathetic manner that once it just killed my passion for my works, for my duties, for my responsibilities. I had never been such kind of guy who likes to run-away from his duty..but I did this..shamed on myself,  but I did this..and in all these some of my good friends  were with them..i failed to win their faith, their trust…I believe that if my friend did not trust me then it was my fault only because I could not win his heart. Now we are just class-mate, share a very formal relationship and now I am ok with it and hope they will be fine in their lives. So at the end of this year, my friendship with those friends has failed.

I am not going to discuss my love life here but at the end of this year, I will consider it as a failure too..not just because that it was one sided, not just because that it could not go to its destination ..but because that we had never such level of relation, such level of closeness as I assumed about it..so it was kind of base- less feeling. So this was my second failure.

Now , coming to my third failure..as a vice-chairman of my society..some of my colleagues, my juniors resigned from the society..whatever be the reason, but they resigned but I could not stop them to do it..i tried a lot..but failed..another disappointment.. one of my colleague resigned from the society  just because that she had problem with me…she was very hard-working..and had a dedication for the society..and today also i  respect her for her dedication..but she also resigned..people raised question on my loyalty, on my passion, on each-everything..but even after so many efforts also..failed to win their heart..my third failure.

The biggest failure of this year was failure of  my morals. I love and respect my morals..but this moment of time, it failed and I had to re think about my morals. Which was one of the biggest pain I ever had..but this year, I had to go through it.

There were also many minor failures… which I am not going to discuss here. They were minor one..but were sufficient enough to disturb me from my aims.

so this was the one face of the coin, the face which is seen by my mind..the  face which tells that I am the loser, I totally lost..

but look at other face which is seen by my heart..which says..this year i met with ankit..met in such a way that now I know ankit completely.In last 6 months, I talked a lot to myself, came to know a lot about my-self. I always considered myself as a quite extrovert guy..but in last 6 months ..i came to know that I am quite introvert. I tried to search my happiness in smiles of others which is morally right..but wrong in this physical world..i was always correct in front of myself…but could not be able to prove it in front of others and now it does not even matter for me. This year, I almost remembered all the incidences, phases of my life..tried a  lot to know answers of all the questions..and at the end of this year, I almost have..first good news from this year.

In the field of friendship also, if I lost some friends then I gained few too may be in true sense..because they know ankit..understand and respect the morals of ankit..some juniors also turned as good friend of mine..some old friends got  closer to me..second good news from this year.

I ran away from my responsibilities..but now I have got the reason to start over again because now I had a lesson from all those incidences..i have sweet memories and lessons both.

Today my heart says this year you met yourself..which is sufficient enough to bring smiles on your face and a reason to move ahead…which is quite bigger than all your failures.

Today I don’t have any reason for joy..but a strong will to move ahead.

Today I don’t have any hard feeling for life..but a strong will to fight with the  obstacles which is to be faced by me.

And, I know I will win.

Now it was 11:45 p.m…and wishes has started to come…so I came out from this reminiscence..and now its time to say “HAPPY B’DAY ANKIT” ..:)

A Sweet Memory

This weekend, I had a chance to visit mussorie and I did not want it to go in vain, just wanted to grasp the opportunity with my both hands. So I came to dehradoon, stayed along with one of my friend at his relative’s house..well I am the kind of the guy who usually does not prefer to go anyone’s house until and unless I have great level of intimacy with the person but I am really thankful to my friend because there I met with a lady who really taught me some great things about life, a very positive way of perception about life, something very inspirational, something very illuminating.


We humans are very condition conscious…if all the things go in our favor, we just enjoy, but if in any case it does not , then we just cease our movement, blame to God. Very less no. people maintain their positive attitude at that time also… we lose all our hopes, forget all whether it be our responsibilities or the people whose smiles are attached with our smile, just finish ourselves.. but here I met with this lady , saw her way of perception and it really impressed me.

Lady, whose husband died five year before in a road accident. He left a daughter and lady in his family. He was the only breadwinner of his family. After death of her husband, she got many hands to support her, offer to live with her relatives etc, but this lady did not compromise with her self-respect.. thought to live her life in her own way. So this lady joined job in his husband’s office which was offered by government..started to live along with her daughter and to get some more financial security, started a side business too. The tragedy which was faced by her, could not be able to stop her from dreaming and setting a new goals for her life. I have seen many ladies who after death of their husband do not be able to come out from the tragedy..but this lady really turned round the things. The lady started to work properly in the office and side by side on her business too…now today, her business is running on good condition..the best part is that along with doing all these things, she manages her home very well too. Those mother-daughter are the best friend of each-other..the lady knows all the things which are going on in her daughter’s school or in her dance classes and the daughter knows all the scenario of her mother’s job and business. In her(lady) busy schedule of office and business, she has a time to watch movie along with her daughter, she has time for her daughter’s dances etc . The lady is enjoying her life perfectly along with her daughter…set a new set of ‘amway’..and would definitely achieve all…my best wishes are with her.

So this was the story, which I saw this weekend… but what I learnt ,was something more than it..you know we people always get 100 reasons to smile and one reason to be sad..but we ignore those 100 reasons, we just think about that single reason.. which is sufficient enough for disturbing us, just taking us away from our goal, our responsibilities. I am not saying that we should not bother about that single reason.. no, not all..we must care about that single reason, must learn a lesson from that phase (which is the actual reason behind every sad phase of the life)..but must not bring stoppage in our life.

You know the best and the worst part about the time is the same..and it is “ it never stops”..it just goes on and goes on and the same is with life too…so when all the things are going on..then why should we stop..we must move ahead, must dream ahead.

If someone special (whether it be your father or mother or sister or other) went away from your life and if then, you cease moving ahead then it is surely the insult of the love, care that you had from that person. It is surely the insult of wonderful relation that you had with that person.. you know, the person does not go anywhere , his/her soul always remain somewhere around you.. just to see what you are doing actually. Now the person has gone then it is your time now..take your responsibilities, apply the things what you actually learnt from that person, spread the love what you actually had from that person.

That lady taught me to seek happiness in every lovely moment we live.. and learn a lesson in every bad moment we face. The lady taught me how to be positive in every phase and how to dream ahead.

We people dream something and if it does not fulfill, it just cause poignant in our life..but this lady taught me “ believe in your dreams” and improve yourself to achieve your dreams..and even if you don’t get your dream then also you have improved now.. which itself is a quite big achievement, a real sense of achieving of your dreams…and this reason is sufficient enough to bring smiles on your face.

Life is journey and in this journey we meet with many people…so enjoy meeting with each and every person…move along with those people till the destiny takes you both..and the best part about this journey is that at the end of each journey either you would be having sweet memories or a very good lesson so either a reason to move ahead or a reason to start all over again..but you would have something and that’s for sure.

So after this trip, my positive attitude which was deteriorating, came back and I just remembered my journey till now and I realized that after each phase of journey, I really had something..either it was sweet memory or a very good lesson but I had something, the real reasons to move ahead..:)

Sun Le Meri Rooh..

वो है अम्बर, तो मै हूँ धरा,
वो है सागर, तो मै हूँ एक मामूली सा घड़ा,
ये सब जब मैं समझ सकता हूँ, तो तू क्यूँ नहीं मान  पाता,
तू मेरा साया हो कर भी मेरे साथ क्यूँ नहीं चल पाता,
हर चीज़ जो इंसान चाहता है, वो उसे नहीं मिलता,
जीवन के इस दस्तूर को तू क्यों नहीं समझ पाता,
तू भी जानता है कि तू मुझसे हार जाएगा एक दिन,
तो मुझसे अभी ही ख़ुशी-२ हाथ क्यूँ नहीं मिला पाता,
मैंने तो अपना जीवन नहीं रोका है,मैं तो जी रहा हूँ.
दर्द के बारे मे बिलकुल  ना सोच कर मैं तो हँस रहा हूँ.,
फिर तू क्यूँ नहीं हँस पाता,मेरा हमसफ़र क्यूँ नहीं बन पाता,
मुझे तो तेरी नासमझी पर गुस्सा नहीं, अब तो तरस आता है,
 तेरा साथ छोड़ के तुझसे भी दूर जाने का दिल चाहता है,
जल्दी से सब समझ कर मेरे साथ आ जा,
वरना मैं तो तुझे यहीं छोड़ के आगे बढ़ चलूँगा,
मेरी लड़ाई तो किस्मत से है, तुझसे अलग रह के भी मैं जंग जीत लूँगा,
मेरे सामने अपनी अहमियत जानकर भी तू मुझसे क्यूँ है लड़ना चाहता,
मेरे जीवन के इस पड़ाव को तू क्यूँ नहीं समझना चाहता.... 

LOVE

Love- a quite wonderful and big word for me… never understood the real meaning of it, but today I understood it completely (in real sense, because today I am happy although she is not with me). When people generally talk about love(mutual) then they call it as a gift of god. Yes, surely it is a gift of god and an awesome feeling. But I feel this one sided love is also a good lesson from god. Some people say that First love is only the true love etc, but today I felt this true love. So here I am telling about the other aspect of love ( I might be wrong, but this is the thing which I learnt recently from various states of mind and looking at other’s relationship status).

first of all, I would like to thanks the god because he found me good enough for offering his blessings..yes, I loved someone although it was one sided but really an awesome feeling. Unfortunately or fortunately it could not reach up to its destination (although I would always wish that it must be a fortunate one( for her) because I will always wish for her happiness, her pleasure and that’s what I need.. and the best part of my feeling is that I don’t have any hard feeling for anyone and just happy in her happiness and I don’t have any regrets for not being the reason of her happiness.)

Now what i actually learnt that LOVE IS A PHASE OF LIFE and when it gets mutual then it becomes a relation of a lifetime…but if it is a one sided then it is a phase of a life…and you need to come out of it as early as possible because life is just to go on…and when you easily come out of it then don’t consider your love as infatuation or give it some other name, no, not at all, it is your strength because of which you came out from this tragedy and if you will do it with your heart, then you will love to do it, because ultimately you are doing this for the person’s (your love) pleasure, which is also a clear indication of your true, pure, awesome love… you just love the way you loved that persons…so now love this opposite way too.

You get serious for any person, totally committed (one sided) but if it is not written in destiny then how it can be possible… then you must not lose your identity, must go on.. You know, the best part about love (whether it is mutual or one sided) that it makes person more mature, more good and more sensible.

If it is love then you must be totally committed, must try to convert into a relation of lifetime, try your best but if it could not go up to that point then also you must respect yourself for all those things that you have done for that relationship and must not waste your time in crying, just memorizing that past and feeling sad..yes, you must remember those times and must feel proud on yourself for the way you were dedicated, the way you tried to hold the relationship and seriously it would give a good, happy, pleasure feeling.

It was not your bad- luck that the person with whom you were in love, could not be yours .it might be that person’s bad-luck or anything else but was not your fault at all because true love always make person better by heart, by feelings or by anything else…and after this feeling, you would seriously get yourself as a better person, better soul which is actually the blessing of god, the actual reason behind this love.

when the people just talk about their someone special then they say I love his/her those qualities etc..but according to me, true love does not need any reasons…it is totally your altruism..a pure feeling, which must be coming from deep inside of your heart and which does not require any reason and the best part is that I did not have any reason for loving her.. I just loved her, loved with her disqualities,loved with her reality, loved with all the purity of my heart.

But if you just move on then you need not to close your heart’s door... you know the one of the worst part of human nature is that we people always cry for the things what we don’t have.. but usually never become happy for what we have. You need not to cry for the reason that she could not be yours but look around in this beautiful world…you might get your soul mate..and even if you don’t get then also you must be happy because apart from love there are plenty of works to be done, plenty of responsibilities to be fulfilled by you, and if it would be written in your destiny then you would surely get your perfect soul-mate on the perfect timing.

Friends, life is very unpredictable, we all live in this unpredictable, but a beautiful world… so just live it at its fullest, enjoy your every moment and phase of a life, leave the rest on god, he has already set the things for you..just wait for his blessings and this is what I am doing too(although, I am very lucky, because he has already blessed me by giving me such a wonderful feeling..:)

Thank you god for all your blessing …:)

Thank you god for giving me chance for falling in love ..:)

Thank you god because now I respect myself ..:)

Thank you so much god to make me understand the real definition of love ..:)

Thank you so much god to make me a better person and one of the best person I have ever met ..:)

Imtihaan

ले ज़िन्दगी इम्तिहान तू मेरा,
ये आँखें अब ना रोयेंगी,
तू चाहे लाख बुरा कर ले,
ये मुस्कान अब ना खोयेंगी,
माना मैंने कि मैं तो बस एक मोहरा हूँ,
जिसकी कोई बिसात नहीं,
पर वादा रहा तुझसे ज़िन्दगी,
मेरी साँसे तेरी हर चाल को रोकेंगी,
बहुत उतार-चढाव देखे हैं मैंने,
बहुत बार तुने हसाया और रुलाया है,
और हर बार तुने अपनी अंगुली पर ही मुझे नचाया है,
पर मेरी आत्मा तेरी बात अब ना मानेंगी,
तू चाहे लाख जतन कर ले,
ये पलकें अब ना भिगेंगी,
ले ज़िन्दगी इम्तिहान तू मेरा,
ये आँखें अब ना रोयेंगी...