HAPPY B'DAY ANKIT

Well, at now its 10:00 P.M…just 2 hours to go..when I will be of 22 years..another successful completion of years of my life..yes, I have completed it..but was it successful??this was the  question  which is going on my mind from last 5-6 days..i wanted to judge  this year..but I was unable to judge. When I started the reminiscence of various incidences of this year then I realized..where I was and where I am..a big. drastic change was there.

Now  if I simply look at one face of my life then I feel that this year whatever I wanted, I wished or I prayed for..i could not have it..whether it be related to some of my pals, or my love . In fact in my professional life also, people raised question on me in such a pathetic manner that once it just killed my passion for my works, for my duties, for my responsibilities. I had never been such kind of guy who likes to run-away from his duty..but I did this..shamed on myself,  but I did this..and in all these some of my good friends  were with them..i failed to win their faith, their trust…I believe that if my friend did not trust me then it was my fault only because I could not win his heart. Now we are just class-mate, share a very formal relationship and now I am ok with it and hope they will be fine in their lives. So at the end of this year, my friendship with those friends has failed.

I am not going to discuss my love life here but at the end of this year, I will consider it as a failure too..not just because that it was one sided, not just because that it could not go to its destination ..but because that we had never such level of relation, such level of closeness as I assumed about it..so it was kind of base- less feeling. So this was my second failure.

Now , coming to my third failure..as a vice-chairman of my society..some of my colleagues, my juniors resigned from the society..whatever be the reason, but they resigned but I could not stop them to do it..i tried a lot..but failed..another disappointment.. one of my colleague resigned from the society  just because that she had problem with me…she was very hard-working..and had a dedication for the society..and today also i  respect her for her dedication..but she also resigned..people raised question on my loyalty, on my passion, on each-everything..but even after so many efforts also..failed to win their heart..my third failure.

The biggest failure of this year was failure of  my morals. I love and respect my morals..but this moment of time, it failed and I had to re think about my morals. Which was one of the biggest pain I ever had..but this year, I had to go through it.

There were also many minor failures… which I am not going to discuss here. They were minor one..but were sufficient enough to disturb me from my aims.

so this was the one face of the coin, the face which is seen by my mind..the  face which tells that I am the loser, I totally lost..

but look at other face which is seen by my heart..which says..this year i met with ankit..met in such a way that now I know ankit completely.In last 6 months, I talked a lot to myself, came to know a lot about my-self. I always considered myself as a quite extrovert guy..but in last 6 months ..i came to know that I am quite introvert. I tried to search my happiness in smiles of others which is morally right..but wrong in this physical world..i was always correct in front of myself…but could not be able to prove it in front of others and now it does not even matter for me. This year, I almost remembered all the incidences, phases of my life..tried a  lot to know answers of all the questions..and at the end of this year, I almost have..first good news from this year.

In the field of friendship also, if I lost some friends then I gained few too may be in true sense..because they know ankit..understand and respect the morals of ankit..some juniors also turned as good friend of mine..some old friends got  closer to me..second good news from this year.

I ran away from my responsibilities..but now I have got the reason to start over again because now I had a lesson from all those incidences..i have sweet memories and lessons both.

Today my heart says this year you met yourself..which is sufficient enough to bring smiles on your face and a reason to move ahead…which is quite bigger than all your failures.

Today I don’t have any reason for joy..but a strong will to move ahead.

Today I don’t have any hard feeling for life..but a strong will to fight with the  obstacles which is to be faced by me.

And, I know I will win.

Now it was 11:45 p.m…and wishes has started to come…so I came out from this reminiscence..and now its time to say “HAPPY B’DAY ANKIT” ..:)