Well, this time it is not just an article but actually it is a chat with me which I had today in the early morning. As I have told to you all that “my blog would be the best way to meet me”, so I need to follow my words, so I am telling to you all about this chat.
It was 4:30 a.m. in the morning when I opened my eyes. I found myself sitting in the chair with my cell in my hand. I found that whole night I slept at my chair only, waiting for a call of my friend. Actually last night I had a chat (on my cell) with one of my friend. A friend who is not behaving normally now a days, plenty of thoughts are going on in his mind, really disturbed with the circumstances around him and I being too close to him, want to get him out of this situation. Last night I wanted to talk to him but he told me to talk me later, so I waited for his call but I did not get it. He could have been busy or anything else but as I was waiting and I did not get it, Then I felt bad (little bit) but did not get angry.
Now it was 4:45 a.m. I came out of my hostel, just walking on the road. I went 1-2 months back; this was the time when I had plenty of fights with him. In fact first time ever in my life, I had a fight with any of my friend because first time ever, I started expecting anything from anyone. In fact it was quite surprising for me too, in solitude I used to ask myself “Ankit! What happened to you??how could you expect anything from anyone??you don’t have any right for it and you were not like this..” but never got the solution. As you all know that once you start expecting and if it does not gets fulfilled then you get angry and then use to have a fight with that person. Now I thought that if the last night’s incident (although incident is bit hard word for it, but still I am using it) could have happened a couple of months back then surely I would have got angry and it would have led to fight with my friend but for now I was not angry.
Then again I went one year back, when he was a good friend of mine and found that if it would have happened at that time then neither I would have felt bad nor felt angry. In fact it would not have affected me in any sense.
But today I just felt bad. In my last article I discussed about taking step a behind in friendship and I really shiver when I feel that I am moving that single step in my relationship with him. I shiver because I am too attached to him, can do anything for him, anything at all and I don’t want to lose my friendship with him in any case. Here my friend can definitely get angry with me, because may be, I am not understanding his situation as I can also see that he is not fine at all and this is the thing which is really disturbing me too because I am unable to bring a smile on his face. But here in this article I am just telling about my chat.
I saw in many of the cases that when people get so attached to anyone then they usually have plenty of fights between them..then I used to ask to myself that “yar, jab inke beech mai itna pyaar hai to ye itna jhagda kyun karte hain..pata ni kaisa pyaar hai??” but I never got the answer because I had never been so attached to anyone as I am attached to that friend. So first time I had a fight with any of my friend even at that time I did not realize it, but today when I am on this walk then I realize “jhagdaa hona chaiye..kyunki jhagdaa unhi se hota hai, jinse aap bahut jyada attached hote ho…”
There is difference between ‘jhagdaa’ and ‘ladaai’..In fight..there is always a hope for settlement of everything but in ‘ladaai’ nothing remains to be settled.. ‘jhagdaa’ use to have with your well wishers but ‘ ladaai’ use to have with the people who does not mean anything for you. After each ‘fight’, you always wish that things must be all right like it was before, but after ‘ladaai’ you take it as a closed chapter of your life, if things get settled with the people with whom you had ladaai then it is ok for you but if does not then also you would not bother about it.
I am not saying that now I have maintained a formal relationship with my friend, yes , I am trying to cut down on my expectation levels (up to the ground level).. I don’t know whether I am doing right or wrong…but formal relationship?? no, not at all.. he is my closest friend and would always be, because once I give any place to anyone in my heart (after knowing that person) then it does not change in any case, and I know that I know my friend very well… I can do anything for a single smile on his face and it would always remain with me…it will never change in me and I would always pray for his happiness (from the core of my heart). I don’t know about him, he may have many more friends like me or superior than me, but for me, he is the one and will always be the one and will never like to share his position with anyone.
Now it was 6:30 a.m. in the morning so I thought that I should get back to my hostel..when I was returning back then I din’t have the answer to questions regarding relationship with my friend(may be, I would never have) but at least, I have answer of one of my question (after so many days I got answer of any of my questions so had a kind of satisfaction in my mind) and that was “ jhagdaa hona chahiye..it certainly indicates your closeness with the person. You can get upset by work, mischievous of anyone but you would not go for fight until unless you are not too close with you.. (mind it here I am talking about ‘jhagdaa’ not about ‘ladaai’)..these ‘jhagades’ are the another way of expressing your love, care, attachment for that person and yes, there is nothing wrong in expecting something from someone who is too close to you because this expectation is also a part of your closeness that you have with that person.”
PS: After reading this article, one of my friends asked me that “are you writing this article just because your friend could read it and feel it??” I then replied “no dear! I am just following my words “my blog would be the best way to meet me”, that is what I am doing and my friend would certainly understand my intentions if he understands me too ”.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
A Step Behind
“Once we were so close friends, but for now we are just……”
This is the most common line often said by people when they just remember about their close relationships of past. Well, I think it is the most painful lines told by the person about the relationships.
I found that in many of the relationships people just make habits of living with each other, spend whole day talking with each other. Even now days as there are plenty of services being provided by various tele-communication companies at cheap rates, young generation talks through SMS and many more services for whole day, share all of their feelings and emotions with each other, get a great emotional and mental support from their friends. In fact it becomes so tough to live or imagine even a single day without your friend…but suddenly things get changed and people often accept this as a ‘distance with time’ or things associated with long distance relationships and many time people just don’t even bother to maintain their relationship status up to that level.
People often say that ‘I am busy in my life and he/she will be busy in his/her life and I am not getting time to talk to my friend”, but slowly this duration increases, from day to day, from day to month and then it becomes just as to make a call on birthdays and on some other special occasions. Some of the people say that “he/she is my friend and I will contact him or her when I‘ll be in need of my friend and my friend would also do the same if I would be needed.” But I ask to all of them that “was it the status of their friendship when they were close??? Were they friends for the sake of being friends just in need?? I don’t think so. Neither you know about what is going on in your friend’s life nor does your friend.
There is word called ‘priority’ which according to me means a lot for maintaining a relationship. If you wish to be in continuous touch with your close friend, you would definitely get time to talk to your friend within at max. 3-5 days, whether you are the busiest person of the world or you have plenty of free time (mind it, I am not saying that you must talk to your friend in 3-4 days but you should not blame ‘time’ only for not being in touch with your friend). But people generally keep this thing out of their priority list and slowly lose their friends.
It becomes most awful situation that one of the friends finds himself in a problem but is unable to talk to his friend because the latter is too much busy in his life or finds that my friend is not having a time to listen me and finds him/her unapproachable. He lives in agony, does not find a friend of that level of intimacy and other person fails to feel the twitch of his friend, pre assume that my friend would be fine. This thing brings debacle changes in friendship.
Sometimes now as your closeness level is decreasing, your friend starts feeling uncomfortable when you concern about his/her problem, does not want you to intervene in his/her life and finds your suggestions as quite intruding. Then you would have to move “a step behind” which creates a silence and unseen gap between both of you and here your friendship starts changing into formality.
So now after seeing all these things, I find that being emotionally numb is quite better than to be trapped by emotions. At least you would not go through the pain of missing friends, pain of maintaining formal relations with your close friend, which for me is one of the most painful moment and it is really tough to get over it.
Friendship is more of feeling than saying, its all about reading b/w the lines. If once you make someone as your close friend then you must feel that when your friend is actually in need of yours and what is going on in your friend’s life and your friend must also feel the same. Yes, there may be some gap as you both get so much busy but that gap must be momentarily, it must not be changed as a duration or gap for a life time. You must understand the situation of your friend but it should not be up to the level that there is decrease in importance of your friend and you always find an alternative of your friend.
So dear friends, please do not let your friendship become formality, life is a punishment without friends. It is not easy to maintain that closeness level with everyone (for me it is impossible). Please never let your friend go such that it becomes so late.
PS: One of my friends asked me that “Why you titled it as “A Step Behind”? I don’t find any relevance of it with this article”..I then told “after maintaining that closeness level, if you would have to move a step behind in your friendship..then generally it does not remain as a step only..it leads to annihilation of your relationship and your friendship tends towards a formal relationship…so this article is all about that how this single step (deterioration in closeness) annihilates your friendship”
This is the most common line often said by people when they just remember about their close relationships of past. Well, I think it is the most painful lines told by the person about the relationships.
I found that in many of the relationships people just make habits of living with each other, spend whole day talking with each other. Even now days as there are plenty of services being provided by various tele-communication companies at cheap rates, young generation talks through SMS and many more services for whole day, share all of their feelings and emotions with each other, get a great emotional and mental support from their friends. In fact it becomes so tough to live or imagine even a single day without your friend…but suddenly things get changed and people often accept this as a ‘distance with time’ or things associated with long distance relationships and many time people just don’t even bother to maintain their relationship status up to that level.
People often say that ‘I am busy in my life and he/she will be busy in his/her life and I am not getting time to talk to my friend”, but slowly this duration increases, from day to day, from day to month and then it becomes just as to make a call on birthdays and on some other special occasions. Some of the people say that “he/she is my friend and I will contact him or her when I‘ll be in need of my friend and my friend would also do the same if I would be needed.” But I ask to all of them that “was it the status of their friendship when they were close??? Were they friends for the sake of being friends just in need?? I don’t think so. Neither you know about what is going on in your friend’s life nor does your friend.
There is word called ‘priority’ which according to me means a lot for maintaining a relationship. If you wish to be in continuous touch with your close friend, you would definitely get time to talk to your friend within at max. 3-5 days, whether you are the busiest person of the world or you have plenty of free time (mind it, I am not saying that you must talk to your friend in 3-4 days but you should not blame ‘time’ only for not being in touch with your friend). But people generally keep this thing out of their priority list and slowly lose their friends.
It becomes most awful situation that one of the friends finds himself in a problem but is unable to talk to his friend because the latter is too much busy in his life or finds that my friend is not having a time to listen me and finds him/her unapproachable. He lives in agony, does not find a friend of that level of intimacy and other person fails to feel the twitch of his friend, pre assume that my friend would be fine. This thing brings debacle changes in friendship.
Sometimes now as your closeness level is decreasing, your friend starts feeling uncomfortable when you concern about his/her problem, does not want you to intervene in his/her life and finds your suggestions as quite intruding. Then you would have to move “a step behind” which creates a silence and unseen gap between both of you and here your friendship starts changing into formality.
So now after seeing all these things, I find that being emotionally numb is quite better than to be trapped by emotions. At least you would not go through the pain of missing friends, pain of maintaining formal relations with your close friend, which for me is one of the most painful moment and it is really tough to get over it.
Friendship is more of feeling than saying, its all about reading b/w the lines. If once you make someone as your close friend then you must feel that when your friend is actually in need of yours and what is going on in your friend’s life and your friend must also feel the same. Yes, there may be some gap as you both get so much busy but that gap must be momentarily, it must not be changed as a duration or gap for a life time. You must understand the situation of your friend but it should not be up to the level that there is decrease in importance of your friend and you always find an alternative of your friend.
So dear friends, please do not let your friendship become formality, life is a punishment without friends. It is not easy to maintain that closeness level with everyone (for me it is impossible). Please never let your friend go such that it becomes so late.
PS: One of my friends asked me that “Why you titled it as “A Step Behind”? I don’t find any relevance of it with this article”..I then told “after maintaining that closeness level, if you would have to move a step behind in your friendship..then generally it does not remain as a step only..it leads to annihilation of your relationship and your friendship tends towards a formal relationship…so this article is all about that how this single step (deterioration in closeness) annihilates your friendship”
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The other face
“Why do we always raise hands in favor of girls-to sympathize with them? We boys are not always wrong…” he said to me after reading an article in Times of India. His statement was a general opinion. To anyone listening, he would be ‘the mocking bird’; the icon of social sarcasm. But for me, I could sense in his words, an unmistakable pain, an evident wave of frustration and delusion. But it wasn’t always so. I have known him better.
‘Kushagra Shekhar’- I knew him since childhood. But today at this period of time, I noticed many changes in him which were expected with time, but one of the major changes was in his attitude towards girls. The guy who used to be happy, always ready to help fellow human beings: has changed especially in matter of girls. Now he does not trust any girl, thinks a lot before approaching a girl. When I turned up the pages of his diary…it reminded me the things which turned him like this which I would like to share with you all.
I start from the beginning, from his school days. In school time he was very helpful and innocent. He was always ready to help anyone. But in school he was used by the girls. They always sought help from kushagra and as per his nature, he selflessly helped them, but his help was considered merely his duty to impress them, they considered it as their status of being popular, but never considered it as a help of a person to another person, which forced him to think about his helpful nature specially when it came to girls. After that I never saw that helpful nature for girls. Now after considering all these things he started to think a lot before helping a girl and often he would ignore them.
Later he came into his college life with a thinking of new start. After sometime, he developed feelings for one of his classmate. He simply asked her out, she declined but after this, things really changed for him. He became a topic of gossip among girls. They laughed at him, raised questions on his character, called him an idiot, and destroyed his image in such a drastic manner that he could not have any friend among girls. His decent behavior was considered a tactic to impress girls. Girls created such an awkward situations around him that led to big depression in him which he never deserved only just for asking a girl out. Without knowing his side, his feelings, he had already been punished by the society, declared as a wimp in a society and a laughing material for peoples of his college.
Most sad part of his story was that if someone from boy side used to come to know about his situations whether it be school or college, then instead of going to him and know about actual incidence and to stand with kushagra, he thought in girls favor, just floated this news all around among boys just to laugh upon him, with girls they all enjoyed his situations.
Now after facing all these things, he came into his professional or in his job life. After facing all these, now he had become bit of introvert in nature, but here he faced the opposite situation. Here a girl asked him out, he denied but after this , things again changed for him. He again became a hot topic among girls, but this time not to laugh but to declare him as ‘rude’, ‘flirty’, ‘arrogant’ etc.. so again they harmed his reputation. Look, to deny a girl is never an easy task for any of the boy, seriously it requires lot of guts and very high character, and if he did so, there was very strong reason behind that decision considering all the facts and situations after commitment but who cared about it, his reputation had already been ruined.
Now after facing all these he had been changed, his helpful nature which we seldom find in any person of this selfish world was killed by society and after going through all the situations which were faced by him, if he thinks as he thought after reading that article of times of India, then we are no one to blame him. Was it his fault that he was helpful? Was it his fault that some feelings developed in him for that girl and when she denied, he continued to behave with decency, never annoyed that girl? Was it his fault that he behaved with maturity and thinking the real future of relation, he denied that girl? But look at all the results he got from the society, i don’t think that he deserved all these..do you????
Now I would like to remind that we boys also have character and if someone raises question on that, it is embarrassing for us too. But we don’t ballyhoo as done by the girls if same happens with them in fact they don’t have any right to raise a question on character of any of the guy, first of all they must think about the circumstances created by them only around that boy that caused a big depression in that boy, which sometimes changes the actual nature of the boy.
I am writing this article because his case is not the exceptional one. I found all these situations very often all around in this world when peoples used to fire up and starts enjoying the agony of boy without considering the actual fact. So, I request all of you reading this article that if you raise your hand to sympathize any of girls then please do (if it is really required).But same should be with boys also. In fact your hands should be raised to sympathize a person, to help a person, not to a boy or a girl, and if you really can’t help a boy then at least think twice before blaming a boy without knowing the actual incidence or without knowing the boys sides too, because we boys are not always wrong, sometimes it may be girls….
‘Kushagra Shekhar’- I knew him since childhood. But today at this period of time, I noticed many changes in him which were expected with time, but one of the major changes was in his attitude towards girls. The guy who used to be happy, always ready to help fellow human beings: has changed especially in matter of girls. Now he does not trust any girl, thinks a lot before approaching a girl. When I turned up the pages of his diary…it reminded me the things which turned him like this which I would like to share with you all.
I start from the beginning, from his school days. In school time he was very helpful and innocent. He was always ready to help anyone. But in school he was used by the girls. They always sought help from kushagra and as per his nature, he selflessly helped them, but his help was considered merely his duty to impress them, they considered it as their status of being popular, but never considered it as a help of a person to another person, which forced him to think about his helpful nature specially when it came to girls. After that I never saw that helpful nature for girls. Now after considering all these things he started to think a lot before helping a girl and often he would ignore them.
Later he came into his college life with a thinking of new start. After sometime, he developed feelings for one of his classmate. He simply asked her out, she declined but after this, things really changed for him. He became a topic of gossip among girls. They laughed at him, raised questions on his character, called him an idiot, and destroyed his image in such a drastic manner that he could not have any friend among girls. His decent behavior was considered a tactic to impress girls. Girls created such an awkward situations around him that led to big depression in him which he never deserved only just for asking a girl out. Without knowing his side, his feelings, he had already been punished by the society, declared as a wimp in a society and a laughing material for peoples of his college.
Most sad part of his story was that if someone from boy side used to come to know about his situations whether it be school or college, then instead of going to him and know about actual incidence and to stand with kushagra, he thought in girls favor, just floated this news all around among boys just to laugh upon him, with girls they all enjoyed his situations.
Now after facing all these things, he came into his professional or in his job life. After facing all these, now he had become bit of introvert in nature, but here he faced the opposite situation. Here a girl asked him out, he denied but after this , things again changed for him. He again became a hot topic among girls, but this time not to laugh but to declare him as ‘rude’, ‘flirty’, ‘arrogant’ etc.. so again they harmed his reputation. Look, to deny a girl is never an easy task for any of the boy, seriously it requires lot of guts and very high character, and if he did so, there was very strong reason behind that decision considering all the facts and situations after commitment but who cared about it, his reputation had already been ruined.
Now after facing all these he had been changed, his helpful nature which we seldom find in any person of this selfish world was killed by society and after going through all the situations which were faced by him, if he thinks as he thought after reading that article of times of India, then we are no one to blame him. Was it his fault that he was helpful? Was it his fault that some feelings developed in him for that girl and when she denied, he continued to behave with decency, never annoyed that girl? Was it his fault that he behaved with maturity and thinking the real future of relation, he denied that girl? But look at all the results he got from the society, i don’t think that he deserved all these..do you????
Now I would like to remind that we boys also have character and if someone raises question on that, it is embarrassing for us too. But we don’t ballyhoo as done by the girls if same happens with them in fact they don’t have any right to raise a question on character of any of the guy, first of all they must think about the circumstances created by them only around that boy that caused a big depression in that boy, which sometimes changes the actual nature of the boy.
I am writing this article because his case is not the exceptional one. I found all these situations very often all around in this world when peoples used to fire up and starts enjoying the agony of boy without considering the actual fact. So, I request all of you reading this article that if you raise your hand to sympathize any of girls then please do (if it is really required).But same should be with boys also. In fact your hands should be raised to sympathize a person, to help a person, not to a boy or a girl, and if you really can’t help a boy then at least think twice before blaming a boy without knowing the actual incidence or without knowing the boys sides too, because we boys are not always wrong, sometimes it may be girls….
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